so that wasnt chicken after all
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
