help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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