I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
