is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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