I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's just like the Real World with babies
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
