WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
