I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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