It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
