im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
