Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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