OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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