She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
