I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
