you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize