He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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