I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
