I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
