he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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