one two three fourrrrnication!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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