just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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