speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
