i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
