I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
