can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
