Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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