No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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