I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he shaved USA in his pubs
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
