at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
