Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
