so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
