Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
