i jhust puked up my retainher.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
