me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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