just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
420 ftw
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
