i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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