so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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