Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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