THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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