How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Randomize
