my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
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I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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