i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
