So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
