a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
