You're my little dorito
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
