I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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