I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
