I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
