He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
