i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
