i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
