So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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