i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I could fuck to npr.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize