Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
