Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
