its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
