can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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