I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
