i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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