More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
