I can text with my tongue
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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