just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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