Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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