Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
