Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
