I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
