Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
