kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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