i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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