rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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