dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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