In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
