Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
