you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
