i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
