I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
