would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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