You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
