1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
