youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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