I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
