Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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