too bad you live with your parents still
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
