Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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