a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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