ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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