dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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